Juggling Work ... And Everything Else

Part 1 - Putting Work in the Proper Perspective

I walked through the door, kissed my husband, pet my dog and kicked off my shoes before I even made it to the bedroom.  My eyes were blurry from working on the computer all day. My neck hurt from having the phone constantly to my ear (no, they did not pay for headsets). But the worst strain wasn’t physical - I was utterly and completely devoid of energy, both mental and emotional. It was like some massive energy-sucking machine had been stuck to my back all day.  So here I was, finally at home; exactly what I had been waiting for all day! But I was too tired to enjoy my family’s company, too tired to have any type of meaningful conversation and definitely too tired to exercise. So, I passed the night just like I had for that last couple of months: on the couch, watching TV, talking in between commercials, falling asleep and having nightmares about doing it all again tomorrow.

Unfortunately, this isn’t fiction. It’s fact and a way of life most of us having been living. Whether your work for a company, a church or for yourself, the struggle is still the same - how do we juggle work and everything else in our lives? Be strong! There is hope! In this series of articles, I will share the lessons and tips I’ve learned over the last 15 years in corporate America.

The first step is to put work into the proper perspective.  What do you want your priorities to be in life? Most would say something like, “God, family, community, work.” We know what our priorities should be and what we want them to be; but we allow work to take first priority in our lives. And sometimes, we have very good reasons for making work our #1 priority:

-          Single parents give a lot to their jobs because “I can’t afford to lose my job. I’m all my kids have.”

Or “I have to work extra hard so I can get a promotion so I can provide for my kids.”

-          If you have health issues, you may find yourself thinking or saying, “I have to work here because I need benefits.” Or “I have a special needs daughter; I can’t afford to lose benefits.”

-          In our debt-laden society, you may be working long and hard to pay your bills and make ends meet.

Even though these reasons are legitimate (after all, you didn’t see a statement about working hard to buy a Hummer or designer clothes), this lifestyle becomes problematic when it becomes a pattern of life rather than a short-term method to meet goals.

Let’s put work into the proper perspective by looking at some myths and realities.

Myth #1 - What I do is my identity. 

This myth almost makes sense. After all, what is the first question we normally ask someone when we meet them? “What do you do?” Society places value on what we do, what our title is, the level we occupy and even the salary we make.

Reality - Work is not your identity, your job is not your identity. What you do is not who you are. Who you are is how you do your work. 

A friend of mine in human resources recently had an employee tell her about something unethical happening in her company. The employee was afraid of retaliation and asked for confidentiality. Because the matter could easily be investigated without knowing who reported the behavior, my friend assured the employee of anonymit. When my friend brought the issue to the attention of management, they demanded to know who the complainant was; she refused to tell. With raised voices and red faces, they demanded to know who it was; she refused. Even in the face of threats, she refused. After the final refusal, the manager insulted and berated her, but she still refused to break her word.  

What was her position? She was a senior administrative analyst. What was his position? He was a manager. On the street, you might have valued him more than her because of his title or level within the company. But after knowing how they both handled the situation, who do you think is more valuable?

Myth #2 - I have to stay in my job. 

Reality - You do not have to do anything. “Have to” is a limiting statement and leads to victim thinking.  “Have to” makes us believe there are no other options, no other choices. That is completely false. God created us with free will and the ability to make decisions. A more accurate statement is “I choose to stay here.” What a difference that statement makes! You are choosing to stay at your current job because perhaps you have some short-term goals you want to reach. Maybe there is something your company offers that you need right now. Perhaps previous bad choices have caused you to feel stuck where you are today. 

So what is the good news? The good news is that you can make new choices starting this moment. You can choose to create a plan to get you into another job. You can choose to find a coach to help you thrive despite your circumstances. You can choose to devote more time to your spiritual life to give you the peace and hope you desperately want. Remember, you have choices.

Myth #3 - The economy is so bad, I will never find another job. 

Reality - I’ll leave it to the experts to determine whether the economy is bad or not. But the reality is there are plenty of jobs. I checked on Monster.com this morning and there were almost 3,000 open positions today. That does not include other job sites or the thousands of unposted/unadvertised positions throughout the country. Jobs are plentiful; skilled workers are not. If you don’t know how to find another job, or your previous job searches have been unsuccessful, find help.  Search firms, colleges/universities, job boards and companies like mine offer these services.

Something else to keep in mind is that you may not be designed to work for someone else. Perhaps you are an entrepreneur stuck in a cubicle.  There are plenty of non-traditional jobs and home-based businesses. Find help, but don’t give up.

Myth #4 - If I make work my priority, then the rest of my life will be secure. 

Reality - According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, approximately 177,000 people were laid off nationally the month of February 2008 alone.

 Times have changed. It used to be that you worked hard and stayed in a job until retirement. This is now the exception rather than the rule.

Case study: Andrew worked in a large insurance company for 13 years. He regularly worked 60 hour work weeks, traveled every time they asked him to, missed birthdays and neglected the needs of his family for his job. He, like most of us, had good reasons for making work his priority - he was the sole breadwinner of the family. He couldn’t understand why his family did not understand or give him more support. He moved up; he became a team leader, a supervisor, a manager, a director and then an SVP. In the middle of his 13^th year a whole new executive team moved in bringing their people with them.  Three months later he was laid off.

Did they honor his commitment to the company? Did they thank him for missing his child’s birthday? No. The reality is that work is never secure and should not be the source of your security.

Key Lessons:

1.       In order to find balance in your life, you must change the way you think about work.

2.       How you work determines your value, not what you do.

3.       You have choices. Break through limiting thinking and find options to explore.

4.       Evaluate who (or what) currently has your security. Then carefully determine where your security should be.

Coming Soon… Part 2 - Time Savers; finding hidden pockets of time you may not know you have.

Alicia Arenas is the founder and president of HR Business Connect, a firm that works with businesses, leaders and individuals to achieve success.  For more information about Alicia, her company and coaching, email her at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .

©HR Business Connect, 2008 - a subsidiary of The Alicia Arenas Companies, LLC.

Used with permission by Chuck Bowen Coaching.